Stuck In A Rut

Stuck In A Rut

I am stuck in a rut, what do I do? I can’t seem to get out of my own way. I want to be better, I want to become the best version of myself, but each time I try, I just go back to the way I was before and I can’t seem to break the cycle.

First of all, I want you to stop calling it a rut,

that’s a cop out. You’re not stuck in anything. Look around, do you see a cloud over your head?

Do you see a mystical shroud of negative energy that is stopping you from making the right decisions? You still manage to make some good decisions, right? You still manage to get out of bed. You still manage to brush your teeth. You still manage to wipe your ass. We so often tell ourselves we’re stuck in a rut because it’s far easier than simply telling ourselves the truth,

which is,

“I have been making the wrong decisions for an extended period of time”.

It’s very easy to look at the lack of results in your life and attribute it to this thing outside of yourself that you are stuck in. Rather than just admitting the fact that you are choosing to stay in it by continuously making decisions that move you further and further off the path you’d like to be on.

Disclaimer: This conversation is not about scenarios that are very obviously outside of your control. If your mom died, nobody is going to be mad at you for having a hard time staying on the path. Those are extenuating life circumstances that anyone would struggle with; that’s not what we are discussing here. We are discussing a situation where you just can’t seem to get out of your own way, where you try to get the wheels turning and you find yourself falling back into the same old habits that got you in a position you no longer want to be in.

That being said, if we operate from the lens that your “rut” is a series of bad decisions over an extended period of time, then we can assume that the solution is not to continue making bad decisions.

So, this begs the question: What decisions, if made on a consistent basis, would begin to move you in the direction you’d like to go? 

It’s important to point out the fact that I said “move you in the direction” and not “arrive at the destination”.

Far too often we try to figure out the entire road map before making a single move in the right direction. Why are you trying to figure out how to lose 30kgs when you haven’t yet lost a single kilogram?

Why are you trying to figure out how to be a billionaire when you aren’t even close to 6 figures?

This is not to say that you should not aspire for goals beyond your current reach, but in order to bring those massive goals down to earth, you have to figure out the first checkpoint on the path you’d like to get to.

At this point in time, all you should be focused on is building the momentum to move you further down the road than you currently are; because right now you’re just spinning your wheels. Right now, you aren’t going anywhere, so let’s figure out how to go somewhere. What decisions will move the needle for you? What is going to begin the snowball of progress that will eventually become that ultimate goal you’re after?

Then every single day, do not go to bed until each of those decisions have been made.

It sounds all too simple; and that would be a correct assessment. It is all too simple. What complicates this very simple operation is allowing our feelings a seat at the table. We allow how we feel at the time to have a vote in our course of action for the day. The lie many of us tell ourselves is that we need to feel better in order to act. My friends, action is the cause, not the effect. It’s not the feeling better that makes you take the action, it’s the action that makes you feel better.

Now look, I am human just like you. I have many days where I feel just as you do. I don’t feel like it some days, I would rather be on the couch, I procrastinate. But the reason why I’m able to move the needle in my life is because I practice discipline and don’t allow my feelings into the conversation until I’ve made all the decisions I need to make. This is a muscle that needs to be worked. You have to override your feelings with action, and the longer you wait to work this muscle, the weaker it becomes, the smaller it becomes, and the more work you’re going to have to do in order to get it back to where it may once have been.

One of the best methods I’ve used to work around this is by outlining my day the night before. Long before whatever feelings I may have the following morning enter my consciousness, I have signed a contract with myself on what I’m going to execute on and when. I do not allow my feelings a seat at the table until I have fulfilled the contract with myself. If, when I’ve completed my tasks, I feel tired and want to chill, I chill.

This allows me to work the muscle of discipline, it allows me to maintain control of my actions, while also giving myself the breathing room to be a regular human being.

And you might be thinking, “but what about the people who don’t take the time to chill? What about the people who work constantly or diet constantly?” I can promise you that nobody who is winning at a high level spends every single waking hour working.

Nobody is perfect on their diet daily.

These people crash and burn and ultimately quit whatever it is they’re doing – it’s the classic story of the turtle vs the hare. Every single person I know who is winning on a high level does exactly what they need to do to move the needle, and then does the same the next day, and the next day, and the next day. Sometimes it takes until 11PM to move the needle, sometimes until 11AM. But no matter what, the needle gets moved.

As you do this day over day, week over week, your momentum will begin to build and the voice in your head that wants you to work against your interests, the voice that kept you off the path for so long, begins to quiet down. That voice has less and less dominion over your mind and your actions, until eventually, you are fully in the driver’s seat and your “rut” is a thing of the past.

The important thing to note here is that everything we’re talking about here is a perishable skill. Treat your discipline the way you would treat any other muscle in your body. It can only be strong if you use it, and the minute you stop training it, it will again become weak and you’ll have to start all over.

The journey is the hardest in the beginning, once you get over the initial hump, maintaining it is far easier. But never get comfortable in your discipline, if you feel you have arrived at discipline, you will lose it far faster than you got it.

Speaking specifically to the men here: We don’t get a choice, just being real. We are on this planet to serve the people we love. We are here to use our gifts, our abilities, our skills to provide our loved ones the safety and solitude to thrive; to not have to worry about the outside world. That’s our job. We are the first line of defense between the problems and dangers that exist outside our home and the people that dwell within it.

Your rut is not a good enough reason not to execute. You don’t feel good, you feel bogged down, you feel unmotivated, you feel tired. Well then, I guess one day you’re going to have to tell your wife and kids that the reason why you couldn’t be the man they deserved and provided the life they deserved is because you didn’t feel up to it. Does that sound like something you want to do? Does scraping yourself out of bed and getting it done sound better than having to have that conversation?

We’re all going to have to answer for what we did with our lives. Every single one of you will have to face the consequences of the decisions you’ve made. Whether you face it on your deathbed or when you meet your maker; there will be a sobering moment at some point where you have to sleep in the bed you’ve made. Did you do everything you could? Did you leave behind what you wanted to? Did you live in service to others or did you live in service to yourself? Were you the father, son, mother, daughter, brother, sister, that you could have been?

Every single moment of every single day contributes to the feeling you’re going to have in that moment – I would worry a whole lot more about that feeling than the one you have today.

Discipline over feelings.